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What To Do When Your Man Starts Taking You For Granted - 16 Proven Tips + Tricks Revealed Inside

What To Do When Your Man Starts Taking You For Granted

# 1. Be willing to step forward, dialogue about the subject and change your behavior if needed

Kristen-Brown

Let’s define “taking for granted” for the purpose of everyone being on the same page.

Taking someone for granted is when a person is not appreciating something or someone for what they are, have to offer or are doing for them. It is when one’s actions or presence is not valued in the relationship.

The subject of this column hits close to home with me, because this has surely been a repeating theme in my relationships of yore. Here is what I have learned and how I now empower myself to handle this situations correctly.

I believe when someone is taking us granted, it is of primary importance to first sit down to a conversation about it- vulnerable, raw and real.

I believe the due process of all relationship matters is to share all grievances openly so that a dialogue can begin. In this, we are coming from our Highest Self (not our fearful, hiding, assuming self). We have already taken the higher road by not assuming our partner is doing this on purpose or already knows what he/she is doing. It is important to choose Right Speech (clear, loving, non-emotional) when discussing any matter. Focus on using “I feel” statements rather than attack statements like: You never blank blank blank! Attack from one person usually leads to defense and counter-attack from another. Keep the conversation open and progressive.

And if in the weeks or months that follow, that doesn’t help… it is time to tell them again, but this time with your actions and behavior.

Whatever area you feel you are being taken for granted for, stop doing! Sound too simple? Well, it is that simple! When you take the gesture away, he/she will either begin to notice and appreciate the work/time/love you were putting into the partnership or he/she won’t notice at all (perhaps because it wasn’t a big deal for him, but more so for you). With that, you will either begin to get the appreciation and respect you deserve OR you will have just freed up valuable time to focus on something else of your choosing.

In my opinion, either way it’s a win!

Remember, all change in relationship starts with you. Be willing to step forward, dialogue about the subject and change your behavior if needed. This is how we stay empowered!

Kristen Brown, Certified Empowerment Coach/Mentor – www.facebook.com/SweetEmpowermentLifeCoaching

Learn Why Men Pull Away

There is a deep-seated “Gap” in communication that very few women (or men) understand. 

It’s the #1 reason why men pull away. 

To be truly irresistible to a man, you MUST understand this gap, and the way feelings of love get confused and entangled in a man’s mind…

# 2. If you are feeling taken for granted in your relationship, the first thing to do is to look at your own behavior

Vicki-Langemo

Decide if you are showing your partner enough love, affection and affirmation

This can be done by welcoming them home, giving hugs and kisses regularly, reaching for their hand, sending thoughtful text or email messages, leaving little love notes in cute spots and regularly complimenting them. 

If you are showing your partner plenty of affirmation then it is time to tactfully request what you need.

Let your partner know that you are feeling taken for granted and give your partner a variety of ideas that will make you feel important and loved. 

A caring partner should start adding a few small gestures into their daily routine. If not, maybe it’s time to get some professional help.

Vicki Langemo, LPC – www.betterlifetoday.net

# 3. Show up consciously for your partner

Rima-Danielle-Jomaa

It’s nice to imagine that the honeymoon phase of your relationship will last forever, but typically, things start to settle in over time with you and your partner.

Things can begin to feel monotonous and though you hate to admit it, there may be a lack of creativity in how you approach one another. Whether it’s the way you spend your evenings together, the way you make love, or the way you handle everyday affairs, you start to get into habits. As humans, we feel the need to be efficient, so in a way, it makes sense that we want to be efficient in our relationships as well. The problem is, these habits quickly turn into ruts. Just another chore to check of the list, right? Wrong!

We must remember that a relationship is an ever-evolving, breathing, living thing.

It doesn’t just start up and then exist. It must be nurtured with attention and love. A relationship is the sum of two parts, the two parts being human beings. We must be conscious and we must show up for our loved ones, every single day. Otherwise, we risk being taken for granted. Having consciousness in a relationship is something you must develop over time. It’s easy to think of ourselves because we are in our own bodies, but we must take some responsibility for how our actions affect our partners.

So what can you do? Start small.

Make it a point to share at least 1-2 meals with one another every single day or have a morning routine with one another, even if it means getting up sooner. Ask your partner about what’s going on for them and actively listen. If you get in the “rut” of asking “How’s your day..” and then turning your attention back to the television show you’re watching or the book you’re reading, chances are your partner will give you brief details and start to unwind in their own way. Instead, try to make eye contact and ask how they’re feeling.

Bring up specific things that are going on in their daily life, and allow them space to open up to you.

When you stop connecting in small ways each day, the bridge between you gets longer and longer. The more you actively stay present in each others experiences, the more you will rely on and cherish the small moments you have with one another.

Rima Danielle Jomaa, MFT – www.CostaRima.com

# 4. Ask yourself the 6 questions below

Dr.-Randi-Gunther

What are your criteria for being taken by granted?

Was your partner different before? Have you felt this way in other relationships? Has it happened overnight or gradually? Are you feeling okay about yourself separate from your relationship? Are your feelings proportional to what you see is going on?

Before you come to the conclusion that your partner may be taking you for granted, you must ask yourself those questions. Your approach to him will depend on your own deep understanding of what is important to you and where you are coming from before you inquire as to what is happening on the other end.

Let’s take them one by one:

1. What is your criteria?

Not everyone has the same expectations of a partner or the same responses when that partner does not behave exactly as you might want. Some people use affection or sexual desire as their measuring stick. Others worry more about much time a partner wants to devote to the relationship. Still others measure availability by gestures, phrases, or even just patience. Ask yourself what your partner is doing now that is disappointing you or triggering your insecurity that might be a sign that he or she is pulling away or not making you the high priority you feel they once did.

2. Was your partner different in the past?

Sometimes it is not your partner whose behavior has changed that much. It may be that at this time you need more, or feel you’ve given enough to the relationship that you actually deserve more. Make sure you are aware of where the gap is before you approach your partner to talk about it.

3. Have you felt this way in other relationships?

Repeated patterns indicate that you may not be learning from relationship to relationship. You may be giving a great deal more at the beginning and then wanting to cash in later. Your partner signed up for what he or she got, and doesn’t know that there was an emotional credit card lurking. Sometimes a too willing partner, coming from a place of insecurity, attracts a rescuer who likes the easy role of stepping in to make things temporarily better, or expects his availability to be less needed over time. Ask yourself if you attract those kind of partners and often feel they come on strong at the beginning but then give much less as time goes by.

4. Has it happened over night or gradually?

This is a crucial relationship diagnostic question. A partner who has been successfully attentive, but then suddenly pulls away has turned his energy outward to something that is more interesting or rewarding, or is really upset with you. This is a red flag disconnect.

5. Are you feeling okay about yourself separate from this relationship?

If you are fine with you, and know that you haven’t done anything to push your partner away, then you need to look at his life and the pressures that may be causing stress. If they are evident, you need to put yourself aside and reach out to help him. That is hard to do if you’re taking the pull-away personally but it’s often the best place to start in any case.

6. Are your feelings proportional to what’s going on?

At the beginning of most relationships, most partners don’t show any core desires that might push that potential partner away. They mask or suppress thoughts and feelings that will eventually emerge. If you’ve done so and now either feel comfortable enough to show them, or can’t hold them back any longer, your current complaint can come as a real surprise to someone who had no reason to expect it. Or you may be a person who has always been emotive and passionate and your partner is tiring of that much drama. Make certain he or she can handle the level of desire/disappointment that you are feeling.

When you’ve taken the time to really access your honest position, you can approach your partner with what you need, but also how you arrived at those conclusions and whether or not he or she agrees with your evaluation. The dialogue you open will help both of you understand what is really happening.

Dr. Randi Gunther, www.randigunther.com

# 5. If a relationship starts out great, but then starts to deteriorate, it is up to us to determine where the boundaries are

Dr.-Tammi-Baliszewski

When clients come to me with complaints about how they are being treated in a relationship, my first question is usually: “How do you treat yourself that way?”

My client, Rebecca, came to see me and told me her boyfriend, Michael, was starting to take her for granted. So I asked her: “How do you take yourself for granted?” 

Rebecca fell silent, then tears started to fill her eyes. She proceeded to tell me she used to be so creative, ambitious, and independent. However, shortly after she and Michael moved in together, she started making him a bigger priority than herself. Now that she wasn’t getting the positive feedback she used to get from him, she was feeling depleted, unimportant, exhausted, and taken for granted.

I told Rebecca, outer reality is a reflection of inner reality.

I also shared with her it was not really Michael’s job to make her feel good about herself. That was HER responsibility. I suggested she pull her energy back, do some course correction, and start making herself the most important person in her life.

Rebecca came back the next week and shared with me how significantly things had shifted. After our session, she immediately signed up for an art class. The following evening when Michael came home and dinner wasn’t on the table, he was confused. Rebecca told him it wasn’t his responsibility to make her feel good about herself, it was hers. And being creative made her feel good – then off she went to class. The next night, Michael had dinner ready for her when she walked in the door, something that had never happened before.

The bottom line is we attract people who treat us like we treat ourselves.

If a relationship starts out great, but then starts to deteriorate, it is up to us to determine where the boundaries are. We can fight with another about what they are (or are not) doing, or we can take personal responsibility for our relationship with ourselves. Life ALWAYS shifts around that.

Authentic respect and appreciation from another is a reflection of true respect and appreciation for oneself.

Take responsibility to love yourself, respect yourself, nurture yourself, appreciate yourself, and make yourself a priority in your life. Everything else will take care of itself.

Dr. Tammi Baliszewski, www.tammibphd.com

# 6. When you believe your partner is taking you for granted, you need to see how you are enabling this condition to exist

Daniel-Beaver

Remember, you can’t get your partner to do anything in terms of behavioral changes.

This would only result in a power and control situation, which is not conducive to a healthy intimate relationship.

When a spouse takes the other for granted, this usually means that they act as if their partner is always going to be with them no matter how they are being treated. Or how little time and energy they devote to the relationship. At the heart of this behavior and attitude generally is the belief of unconditional love. The idea that marriage is forever and ever until death do we part. With this mindset there are no consequences for taking someone or a relationship for granted they will always be there no matter how they treat the relationship.

To change this situation there needs to be consequences for taking the relationship for granted.

Not treating it as if were a living entity that if not nurtured and fed it will die. I always like the song lyric, “If you won’t miss your water until your well runs dry.” Someone who is taking a partner for granted needs to be confronted in some positive way to bring home the point that it’s not going to be okay to avoid putting time and energy into the relationship. It’s not going to be “business as usual”.

One way I would suggest this to a spouse who is feeling taken for granted would be to tell her partner how she feels emotional about their relationship. Share that they feel sad, hurt, frustrated, and angry that they believe that they are being taken for granted. Express that they want things to change between them. I would suggest that they become proactive and create involvement with their partner in activities and experiences that are designed to bring them closer and more involved. In other words take the lead and show their partner what it means to not be taken for granted.

Hopefully their partner will want to participate and make the time to be involved again and finds the experience pleasurable to be involved in this way again.

If they resist and don’t want to participate then I would recommend seeking professional help. If your partner doesn’t want to participate in therapy go for yourself. This will send a very strong message that you are serious about needing some changes. Remember not confronting the situation only makes things worse over time.

Daniel Beaver, MS, MFT – www.danielbeaver.com

# 7. Follow the below dos and don’ts

Sally-Leboy

It’s the oddest thing how we all tend to take for granted the people that we love the most.

I suppose it could be seen as a backhanded compliment that we are so secure in the love of our partners, we stop feeling the pressure to work on the relationship. It does seem like everyone who is in a reasonably long-term relationship finds him or herself on one end or the other of this unfortunate dynamic. I don’t think it’s OK with anyone, and yet it is a very common complaint.

So complain! Unless your relationship is in a very fragile state, your partner is probably just not thinking and being a little lazy. He/she like all of us needs the occasional wake-up call.

Now there are ways to complain and there are ways not to complain. Here are some non-starters:

1. You don’t love me anymore

2. You only think about yourself

3. I’m always the last person on your list

4. You are so selfish

5. You always take me for granted

Here are some ways to bring the issue to the partner’s attention that could not only work but also even help your connection.

1. I miss you. I would like to have more time with you.

2. I’m feeling a little distant. How about you?

3. Can we do something together soon?

4. You seem a little preoccupied. Is anything wrong? Can I help?

You get the drift.

Accusations create unnecessary conflict and are often fueled by hurt feelings rather than facts.

The tendency to mind read and attribute negative meaning runs high when we are feeling hurt or neglected. I’m a big believer in giving partners the benefit of the doubt. Until you know for certain that your partner is a selfish taker, assume that he/she has just gotten distracted by their own busy life. Most of us do that at one time or another and can generally snap out of it with a gentle reminder.

Sally Leboy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com

This video explains the secret reasons men LIE to women (even women they truly do love)…

And a special “tweak” you can make in how you interact with a man to force him to tell you the absolute truth…

# 8. Follow the 4 tips below

Amy-Sherman

It doesn’t matter if you have been married 30 years or are single, in the dating world. The key factors responsible for healthy relationships are the same.

If you find yourself wanting to improve what you have now, and not feel like you are being taken for granted, become aware of the common mistakes people make in relationships. Just this awareness can eliminate a lot of frustration and disappointment and help you to do better. See if you can relate:

1. If you and your partner’s expectations are different, you can be setting yourself up for frustration.

For those of you who are single, you may want to make you intentions clear from the start. Are you looking for marriage or is it just companionship that you seek? This can be the deal breaker in a relationship that appears to be going well. Unless you make your desires known, you may find yourself frustrated that your dreams are not the same as your partners. Never assume anything, especially that what you want is the same as what someone else wants.

2. If you rely on your partner to make you happy, you can be setting yourself up for disappointment.

This is so simple, yet so profound. Don’t wait for someone to change before you’ll be happy or you’ll you be waiting a long time. Instead, create your own happiness. As an independent, free thinking individual, you probably have things you do that make you very happy, like playing an instrument, scrap booking, bicycle riding, walking in the park, etc. Continue doing what you love and enjoy. Hopefully, your relationship will be an enhancement that supports your interests and dreams, so you can be all you can be.

3. If you’re communication skills are poor, you can be setting yourself up for many misunderstandings and disagreements.

Do you speak, but don’t listen? Take time to “hear” what each other is saying, by paying attention to content, body language, tone of voice and facial expressions. Most people just want to be heard and understood, but because we all have our own agendas, we sometimes don’t pay enough attention to the words of others. It will make a world of a difference to your relationship if you and your partner become attentive, good listeners, really available to each other.

4. If you aren’t aware of the impact you have on others, you will live your life clueless.

Instead, take responsibility for the energy you bring into a room. What this means is that your energy affects everyone else, so if you want to feel connected, supported, loved and accepted, be sure that the energy of your behavior is sending that same message.

You can’t complain about your partner taking you for granted if you are partly responsible for creating a negative, non-supportive atmosphere yourself.

Oprah has always said that if you knew better you would do better. Don’t sabotage yourself by repeating relationship mistakes over and over again. With insight and a willingness to change, you can do better, because you now know better.

Amy Sherman, M.A., LMHC – www.yourbabyboomersnetwork.com

# 9. Be mindful and reevaluate your boundaries

Reva-Manon-Kraus

The first thing to do is take a step back and breathe.

Become mindful of your feelings, obligations, and the demands that you are under. Listen to your heart, your body, and spirit. Make sure that you are eating right, getting enough sleep, and balancing work and play. If you have let your spiritual needs go unattended, get back to your spiritual practices. Check to see if you are experiencing any stress related to work or other responsibilities that may be affecting you. Take the time to care for yourself before approaching your partner.

Taking time for self-care will mean that you must set some limits.

You will have to cut back on some things that may be less necessary. Saying no is one of the most valuable skills to learn in life. After you have taken the time to rebalance your life and tune in to your needs, you can approach your partner with less blame and more openness. You may even find that rebalancing your life means that you are spending more time with your partner and that may lead to some rediscovery in your relationship.

If you continue to feel taken for granted, rebalancing your life will give you more emotional strength to address any issues that may be causing distress in your relationship.

Often we expect our partner to care for us without taking the time to care for ourselves. Relationships are not fifty-fifty. We must approach relationships with our entire selves. That is only possible if we first care for ourselves and then look to our partner to work together to care for the relationship.

Reva Manon Kraus, LCSW – www.truenorthcanhelp.com

# 10. Time to do some soul-searching

Margie-Ulbrick

Over time it seems to be a common enough occurrence that couples speak to me about feeling like they are being taken for granted.

It’s not a nice feeling and can lead to some pretty destructive behaviors, in some cases, affairs or other passive-aggressive ways of acting out.

So, what to do?

I think it’s a good time to take stock and as always do a bit of soul-searching and reflecting. Ask yourself a few questions like: am I acting as I wish to be treated? Do I regularly express my love and care for my partner and show them I appreciate them? I can hear you say, “No you’ve got it all wrong, it’s him, who is not appreciating me.” Yes, I know. Nevertheless, a good place to start when we expect our partners to change is a quick check in on our own behavior. Look for hypocrisy and start with yourself as a powerful place for change!

Next, try talking to your partner about how you feel.

Explain in a non-critical way using “I” statements; speak from your heart so that he/she can really get a sense of what you are talking about. Ask directly for what you want and don’t send mixed messages. Explain that you are reflecting on how you would like to feel and that you think these things would help. Don’t let the conversation become a you said/I said argument but if it goes down that track gently bring it back and remain firm: simply, this is what I need from you.

Thirdly and very importantly, check in to see how you are treating yourself.

Are you abusing yourself in ways that are subtle or undermining? Do you really prioritize your health, your well being, and your life? If you care well for yourself it is more likely that others will do the same. There’s an old adage that we get the treatment we deserve or allow. That sounds harsh but there is an element of truth in it. Check that your boundaries are solid, that you are not acting with passive resentment and that you are not leaving your partner to guess how you feel about the chores, the work distribution or the caring of the children.

Margie Ulbrick, LLB/BA/GD SOCSCI – www.margieulbrickcounselling.com

# 11. Discuss the issue with your partner without blame or criticism

Lyndsey-Fraser

Have you voiced your concern to your partner?

Are you expecting them to “mind read” that you want more appreciation?

From my experience it is often not your partner’s intention to take you for granted.

What has happened is that he has become comfortable in the relationship; which results in him forgetting to tell you how much they truly value you. Actually this comfortableness isn’t a bad thing; it means he is secure in the relationship with you. This still doesn’t mean that what you are experiencing is not valid. But perhaps you have overlooked telling your partner that you feel taken for granted. What I want you to do is bring awareness to your partner and tell them how you feel. This will hopefully grant you the appreciation

You also want to do this in a way that you are providing the compliant without criticism.

Here is an example of a way to bring up the compliant, “Lately I feel like you have not noticed the kind gestures I have been doing in our relationship. This has made me a little frustrated as it feels as if you do not value or appreciate me”. You want to assure that you stay away from critical statements that attack your partner intrinsic character. Because if you are critical all you will get in return is a defensive partner. Where then both you and your partner will feel disrespected and not valued in the relationship.

Lyndsey Fraser, M.A., LMFT – www.relationalconnections.com

# 12. Hold yourself accountable and take action

When feeling taken advantage of it is important to first look within, hold yourself accountable and then take action.

Remembering you are responsible for your experience is vital to sustaining healthy relationships.

Our reactive response to feeling taken for granted is generally directed externally

We point the finger and allow ourselves to feel victimized by others. The healthiest way to not only respond but to proactively take control of these situations is to look within and hold ourselves accountable.

Do you respect yourself or create healthy boundaries?

Cultivating a high-level of self respect and personal boundaries diminishes the opportunity for people to take advantage of you in the first place. Lack of self esteem, self worth, and approval seeking tendencies all open the door for unhealthy codependent relationships.

Understand that fulfilling someone’s request is not a reflection of your integrity or even polite.

Instead, it often creates space for resentment and patterns that lead to the opposite of your original intention- to be kind or supportive. Prioritize your own needs first; this allows you to be fully present and open to the actual energy you are able to offer, genuinely.

Step up, hold yourself accountable for your experience.

Respect yourself and others enough to create boundaries and prioritize them. As we begin to look inward we realize being ‘taken for granted’ is a responsibility that falls on our own shoulders. This realization is a powerful beginning to an empowering life experience.

“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential . By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” – Steve Maraboli

Bonnie Bloom, M.A., MFTi – www.bonniebloom.me

# 13. Don’t ever rely on a partner to make you happy as your happiness must come from within

Dr.-Joanne-Wendt

During the phase of courting, when relationships begin to flourish and blossom, partners tend to bend-over-backwards trying to be everything to the one they love, trying to meet all their needs in a way of showing love and getting that love returned.

This can range anywhere from cooking dinner, doing laundry, paying bills, doing household chores, running errands. The list is endless all done to show their partner love and caring. This is fine when it is reciprocated and appreciated by each partner. But what happens when one partner starts feeling taken for granted and expected to do these things, when appreciation and reciprocity no longer exist in the relationship? The result is usually one of feeling resentful and taken advantage of. What can one do in a situation like this?

First, have a talk with your partner about your feelings using “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt that I’m doing these things for you and you don’t show me any appreciation for it.”

It’s not uncommon that some individuals get so caught up in their own life, that they lose sight of their loved one’s feelings.

It’s also important to take a look at your own life.

Do you have a life separate from your couple relationship that nourishes your self-esteem? Or are you getting all your feelings of self-worth from being in the relationship and catering to your partner’s needs to maintain getting your partner’s love? If this sounds like you, it’s time to get busy and develop your own interests, becoming independent and self-assured. It’s okay to say “No.” and refuse to be a “door mat.”

Your partner will come to realize that you are not there to serve his needs at the exclusion of yours.

Doings things for each other should be a sign of love, caring and appreciation on both sides.

If the insensitive partner continues to be ungrateful and demanding, you might want to look at other options for yourself.

Always remember that you teach people how to treat you. You are ultimately in the driver’s seat of how other’s treat you. Standing up for yourself and expressing how you feel shows a great deal of self-respect and will attract those individuals who would never try to take advantage of you, would never take you for granted as they know that you are someone to be admired and cherished. Don’t ever rely on a partner to make you happy as your happiness must come from within.

Dr. Joanne Wendt, www.drjoannewendt.com

# 14. Follow the 4 tips below

Elizabeth-Baum

How long has it been since you were thanked for taking the trash out? Any gratitude sent in your direction for walking the dog lately? Who last put gas in the car?

You may remember a time when you were showered in praise for these things, and you were likely full of praise for your partner, too.

Beginnings are like that. As we re-form our lives with another being, we are constantly negotiating our roles. When I got my puppy, she got a treat every time she sat on command. This was a positive reinforcement on the most basic level. The method: this activity will be wired with a good feeling (a treat), so it will happen more. Have you ever used a similar reward tactic with your partner?

Here’s the thing- after a while we become trained, and rewards happen with less frequency.

Sometimes, they stop altogether. When affirmations taper out, it is easy to feel resentful and underappreciated. There’s a tricky bind that often happens when resentment sets in, though- we become less open to our partner, and therefore less permeable to support. There is, fortunately, a remedy.

Here are some keys towards repair:

1. Ask for what you want from your partner, and see if s/he can give it to you.

2. Do what you want to do, not what you believe you are supposed to do. Your contributions to the relationship should, as much as possible, be unconditional.

3. If you find yourself not doing something just to get a response, you will only cause grief for yourself and your partner.

4. Remember to appreciate yourself, even when others aren’t able to.

If you were to put the above into action, it might look something like this: “I want to be able to contribute to our partnership by (fill in the blank task), but lately I’m finding myself resistant and unmotivated.

Sometimes I have the belief that you don’t appreciate my contribution, and I find myself longing for more support from you. Would you be able to help me with (fill in the blank task)? If not, would you be able to support me when I do it, or would you be OK if it’s not always done?” Sometimes all your partner needs is a reminder. S/he may still appreciate all that you’re doing, and has just forgotten to share it with you.

Elizabeth Baum, M.A., MFTi – www.elizabethbaumintegral.com

# 15. Just tell your partner

There are times in relationships when one partner feels they are doing more work than the other.

This can include emotional connection, household responsibilities, and financial contributions to name a few. I don’t think it is realistic for each partner to be giving an equal amount all the time. One will inevitably be giving more than the other. This is healthy as long it is consistently shifting between each person in order to relieve and/or support the other. However, when one partner is generally doing all of the work, something needs to change.

So how to you let your partner know you are feeling taken for granted?

You tell them. I know this sounds simple. The concept of it is simple; however, a lot of people get stuck wondering why the other partner doesn’t just see what they are doing. As if they have the power to read minds. Unfortunately, that is not a power we humans possess.

So, with this in mind, assume that your partner isn’t aware they are taking you for granted and when they find out, they will be willing to make whatever changes are in their power.

This helps with the practice of being assertive – advocating for the other person while you are advocating for yourself. When you are telling your partner how your feel, be clear and specific. The clearer the information, the more likely you will be effective at helping them understand exactly what you need.

Jacqueline V. Cohen, LPC – www.therapymama.com

He Says “I Love You”… But does he really mean it?

This 7 question quiz tells you if your man truly loves you or if he is just using you… 

# 16. Follow the 6 tips below

Sherry-Marshall

We need to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship. Some signals that we are being taken for granted are;

• Your partner doesn’t have or make time for you

• They don’t seem to care whether you are with them or not

• They forget your birthday and anniversary

• They criticize you a lot, ignore you and expect you to keep giving all the time without it being reciprocated

• They don’t express their love and appreciation for you and the efforts you make

Here are some practical tips on what to do if you feel taken advantage of

1. Talk with your partner and be curious and open rather than attacking and blaming.

Ask what’s happening for them and then tell them how you are feeling and what you need. Tell them it’s important that you are recognized for what you are giving and you need positive feedback. We often feel our partner should just ‘know’ what we want but they are not mind readers!

2. Work out the specific things you are doing for your partner rather than just a general feeling that you are not being thanked or recognized.

Either suggest that you share some of those tasks or do less or stop doing what you are resenting. It may help them recognize how much you are doing and express their gratitude more.

3. If you change yourself, it’s very possible that your relationship may change.

Both of you need to nurture your love and continue doing some of the things you did together when you first fell in love rather than falling into a routine and thinking the other person will always be there.

4. Ask yourself why you’re making compromises that don’t work well for you?

Work out why you keep doing things you don’t feel appreciated for. Is it just a habit or are you scared he may leave you? Did you mother do everything for your father? Be like a detective and track all the clues so you deeply understand and can face and change your own behaviors.

5. Love and appreciate and value yourself and focus more on what makes you happier eg. your own interests, friends, work and life.

6. Find a way to leave a relationship where you consistently feel that your partner is selfish, ungenerous and cannot express in words and actions their love and appreciation of you.

Sherry Marshall, BSc, MAA – www.sydneyprocesscounselling.com.au

Revealed: What Men Secretly Want But Will Never Tell You…

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